ninja motorhome

Self Destruction

2009-02-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

Ninja grows up and out. This site will be totally regrouped in couple weeks. In the meantime come check out the new digs.

2009-02-06T06:48:00.001-08:00

Seriously? No...no fucking way.
really? Thanks Warren Ellis. I guess.

Wordstress dot org

2009-02-04T17:35:00.000-08:00

bamboozled by code.
brb.

the a's to your q's:

2009-02-02T07:34:00.000-08:00

its been quiet around here and for good reason. The AK voyage has been put on ice for filthy rat-bastard reasons way beyond personal control, and there is a massive ninja re-boot being forged in the fire. In the meantime you can be like me and gorge on Deadwood. Again.
You can always follow this.
if that doesnt tickle your clit, then this sure as hell will, which means we have idnetical clitoral structure. Thats disturbing.

two-bit rot-gut swill

2009-01-30T10:08:00.000-08:00

go ahead: you know how I feel about Westerns. the good, the bad, and the.. "Bridger believed that whiskey was healthy for a man, and distrusted “water drinkers".

North! to Alaska...

2009-01-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

*RAPING MOUNTAINS yet again!
**lodging fit for a pirate.
***Writing reviews for every single one. Expect greatness from the Woodshed.
****When your pilots name is Rust, you know your in good hands.
And finally: red bull and vodka for powerwatching.
I.CANT.FUCKING.WAIT!

My ears are here today. Now yours are with mine.

Death to mondays

2009-01-26T06:45:00.000-08:00

Dont you just wish Oprah would just go away already.
Dont go shaking her hand,EVER.
Full-on gloom from my second backup plan. Main plan still intact however: Piracy in Somolia. Oh...wait. New plan: Japanese girls need me.
Jason Ellis swears by tools to life, I swear by Hemingway.

**Raccoons dont like cock it seems.
Bizarre: knife weilding assailants now have thier own map.
Young Mr.Breedlove bangs the Mayor.
Non Piratical piracy on the high seas? How can this be.
Bored or otherwise? try this.

Good.God.if only Monday was a watermelon.

2009-01-25T15:00:00.000-08:00

Popcorn Sutton makes white lightning, and he has a great laugh.

Glen Campbell brought me off the mountain today in style.

Its safe to go in here now

#2 has been in and out of my head for 2 or 3 years now: Hard Livin.

Praising the Fallen:

2009-01-23T09:32:00.001-08:00

It has been pointed out to me that death is close.

Stage 1
Stage 2

As usual, Katelan secretly saves the day.
And yes, of course I ate the stupid clif bar.
Off I go to die.
But before I do, go say hi to the worlds best Macaroon, found the other night mingling with the worlds best sharpie, and vodka.
Dont forget: I am #237! WORLDWIDE! Open challenge to anyone who will try to defeat me.
Oh wait...arent I supposed to be dying? Yes I am.....back to that...

2009-01-22T09:39:00.000-08:00

Thank God for Ectomo and Moustache Mondays otherwise Id have blown my brains out a long time ago...like...last Monday for example.
This is the worst week ever. Menstual/Clinically Insane/Flakes/Menopausal/indecisive/paraniod driven: These are most of the people around me this week. Im losing my mind. I am the Marble. You: Hippo.
Then theres' douche-twinks like young Nick who seems to think...well find out for yourself. How this came across my radar we will never know. Its all about the marble, people.

severe case of work:

2009-01-21T14:55:00.000-08:00

entertain yourselves here, vandals.

America:

2009-01-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

Congratulations. We have our country back.
All Hail the Chief
The white House site has been switched over, even that is better than before. of course it is...why was I surprised.

Hot damn! Big Chief is on a roll: White House Tweets here. Add the new Cronies.

Blue Monday

2009-01-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

Blue Monday explained here, or: To the faithful departed. And by that I mean the denizens of FreakAngels, who are collectively ~~losing thier minds~~ having a bad day.
Do I need to even mention whats happening tomorrow? I didnt think so.

As usual on a Monday there is skullduggery afoot.
Losing the war on terror? try losing the war on snow. Im glad I am the only human working this glorious day.
I know by now everyone and thier mother/father/dirty little brother and guilty sister have read about this religous delight but I havent said boo on the topic. Until now. Ectomo as usual has all the answers I need.
This entry from our heros @ Wooster caught the Great Eye's attention. Enjoy.
I should be drinking in the morning. I still might. There is still time. Like this shot here, taken in Idaho last week.

Mike V and Jason Ellis have the #1 movie in America, not that we normally care, but we are red dragons so we are obligated to mention. Go forth and view.
And finally from Pakistan: if your looking for an education and your not a muslim woman the taliban wants to to fuck right off. Ahh some things never change. like the taliban.

the new battlestation: as seen here

2009-01-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

yeah I know; I did it. and its fun as hell.

**Lifehacker is worth a peek.

***ive noticed my eating habits have been changing for a consistent month now, and attributed it to being on holiday and simply not having interest in shitty ingestive experiences. Tonight I stumbled across this report that is eye opening.

the great reboot

2009-01-17T09:14:00.000-08:00

The Braintrust has returned and is warming up the engines.
I recognized Obamas rail car this morning on the news from my service onboard the Northern Sky/Dreams. Here is a great look at the Georgia from the AAPRCO Directory

special appearance:

2009-01-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

Quick overnighter at the Fortress of Doom involves a stop at various bars, in various hoods and a few minutes at the free wall. Click the photo for yesterdays set.
Now for 5 more days on the mountain, then back to the sweat factory for a few weeks.

Living Braintrust

2009-01-12T12:32:00.000-08:00

2.5 weeks on the road so far, chasing snow and booze, stealing bizarre coffee mugs everywhere I can.

(I cant help it: Joe the Plumber remains an expert.)

Just wrapping up more goods @ this little fun factory.

מזל טוב

2009-01-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

Israel Israel Israel. Today is for you. Starting with why Gaza Matters. The countdown to a nuclear Iran is now being measured in months rather than years.

Anyone remember this royal douche? Heres a wiki worth a scan

"We believe that even if a part of your body is injured, your whole body will ache from it," said Maha Shabaneh, who has relatives in her homeland of Palestine.
(a wise notation Maha, very wise indeed)
Seattle is up to its usual protesty skullduggery. Wheres the pro state march? The memory burned in my brain til the end of days if the Jewish Fed shooting. 5 hours after the event, embedded in a downtown core still uncertain of what was happening, in Westlake Center there was dancing and praising allah for the killings. 2 guys in headscarves and a brigade of Women in Black.

This is a must-read regarding the conflict and possible result.

Allegedly the hottest women in any military today: The girls of the IDF

In The Know: New Iraqi Law Requires Waiting Period For Suicide Vest Purchases

mazel tov: as seen above in literal text. Im on a roll. These girls are HOT.

Watch/Listen/Ride:

2009-01-04T18:55:00.000-08:00

From the place where the hardcore is beautiful:

Pete Rock

Crooklyn Dodgers

Statik Selektah

S.O.M.

AZ

A.Nickatina

I have become Ahab. Stevens Pass is my white whale. The beast may have finally sunk my Brig, I will know in the morning. Until then all else stops. On a related note: kudos and emoticons to Chelsea/Jeff/Daniel for the dozen+ vodkas and great turns Friday night.

there has been some chatter on the wires.

Amateur Hour:

2008-12-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

Tonight is surrendered to the modern douche. Tonights Bags' exists so we dont have to. So we can hide in our hovels and feel safe knowing the foul winds of Axe bodyspray and chunky hairstyles/undecipherable handgestures/roid rage will not blow our way. No on this night: we surrender to the Douche and all of his resolve for the coming year. So now this:

Welcome to the end of the year. Now go get blown out and make resolutions you will never keep, but make you feel good as you rattle them off to people who dont really care. Enjoy your shitty hangover tomorrow knowing that every other douchebag on the planet suffers alongside you. My guess is that this is Seattle sewers busiest nght of the year.
I will have one cocktail in the comfort of my fortress, (once im off work) and then leave early in the morning for 21 days of shred. Ninja goes all Highway in 18 hours.
get ready pirate scum, for Snowy Henchbot Doom.
(Once I return I will make nice to a band of feral cats in chinatown and move off the beach, once and for all.)

Last time it was Mike Shinoda, who still lives in awesome world. This time its Mike V, also in awesome world.

Your NYE Henchmens' Mandate is the same as it ever was, and can be found here. I could cut n paste...I could type....I could do anything. This is just easier. And Im lazier. Your are doubtless dying to know who recieves my midnight blessing. This year, this moment will be unlike years past, typically suquestered in lair with some tender young lady of the night (or haggish sea crone to drunk to even sputter with joy)..This year: I will be on the phone with dear old gramma, wishing her the best. And I will mean it.
Im old and wizened now, fast becoming a pillar of salt. And phone calls to your grandmother at the stroke of 12 on NYE is brazen irrefutable evidence. Hnechmen: live the Mandate. Be the Mandate. Do it for me. Soil your mouths with expectation, inaugural and otherwise. 21 more days and the rest of our lives unfurls.
Shalom.

Tautology:

2008-12-30T07:10:00.000-08:00

I gave birth last night to a beautiful baby blue monster. He gets a Spear and full rights to eat whatever he wants. Pass the kookies.
Sick of seeing the trad heart with the word "mom", I went for something twice as good. The heart with banner: cookie. A sinister, spear wielding Hero from Sesame Street was only natural. You can hear him in the Spew region.
Kudos and emoticons to Duca for another job well done.

Now on to something great. I get alot of shit for my thoughts about the way AIDS, CANCER AND GLOBAL WARMING are handled. My sentiments are long known that while the afflictions are viable and sincere...there is a cure (withheld) and this is nothing more than a bedeviled revenue stream for god knows who.
Al Gore would have us all pay a global tax on the afflictions of this planet, some of which we certainly have caused, but most of which I feel are merely cyclic events that can be traced back Millenia. Merely a cycle....and humans merely adapt. As we always have. I give you this golden nugget and follow it with fatally delicious sauce
And once your done there, check this out, because its all your fault.
While your berating yourself for being such an asshole as you breathe into the free air..I will be reading a sloppy editorial from our man on the street.
Then to placate my own sense of diminishing self worth, I will attend a a robot rave because really, in the end: we are doomed regardless. Robots, Warming, or Al Gore digging inappropriately into my front pockets...looking for...change.

And then theres this: educate yourselves.
Tuesday is for Kookies:

**you ever get the idea that "somebody's just sort of...clocked out.

***The circus continues.

Gday Guvnah!

2008-12-29T06:42:00.000-08:00

The Braintrust has returned and even better, in multiple pieces, held together by baling wire and goat intestines. Yes: we have been to Idaho. We went, we did not conquer. Rather than spew the details choppily all over this veritable porcelain bowl of filth.....I give you this: A Henchmans Holiday
Ninja now returns to her regular broadcasting. Expect great things.

Kookies dominates my mind. DOMINATES. check for spew.

Because theres more to life than gaming, for example: big macs and old men.

Festivus Feats of Strength:

2008-12-24T17:39:00.000-08:00

Keep your one good eye on the ninja TwitterFeed/Photostream for the rest of the week, you filth-ridden pirate.

twittergeist

2008-12-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

greetings and salutations fellow henchman. Today Im your gramma in the kitchen; day before a holiday....running aroung checking temps on the webs...following up on links...telling you ~~to shut the fuck up~~ how much I love you. Yes you.
Yesterday brought the open of the 2k9 snow season with the the grand intro of pure evil, Board Du Jour: Le'Vapour. There is a demon built into that board, a mean little monster. Methinks melikes.
In the world of addiction I present this dirty needle and for those of you who love animals as much as @Otis there is this nugget of joy. Speaking of twitter: If your like me, you just started following this douche and already are disgusted.
More from Twitter: My 1 y.o. neice hijacked my phone last night, and did this:(geek award).

I am strongly considering turning Facebook into a new, vast empire of pittance and fealty.
Ive already changed my mind. All it took was one login. Stupid annoying F-Book.

Good morning Scum! We are alive, just not for long.
More goodness again right here.

"a wooden bar with medieval style mugs, pitchers, food and drink and even a tavern wench!" My downfall is singing her siren tune...

from the office:

Smash

2008-12-21T12:41:00.000-08:00

We praise the fallen: the days of rippped wi-fi have come to a quiet end. The age is over. I am now forced to join the rest of the reputable world and actually pay for said service. Its a bastard world. Like any good Irishman/tyrannical ruler I will be setting up my new wireless empire with already attained willing subjects who will pay monthly pittance for access to my ever changing code. Which will be innapropriate and sure to cause mental discomfort. Oh how i love those words.
Now I sit at a shop mere steps from the fortress. Old crones are demanding their coffees are 145 degrees.....hipsters cowering in the corners...wishing the falling snow was in fact cocaine...and they could snort the skies. And there he sits, grizzled: old man stares out the window, dreaming of better days, better hu-mans. I cant blame him. The women in here are pasty and strange, unimaginative. God loves Ugly.
I am listening to Nick Cave to drown out the ignorance. Im irritable. I was talked out of sailing my big black brig up a snowy angry tempest....like I have so many times before. I now heartily regret not challenging the mountains. I am stuck in this place. Godforsaken to save thier asses.
Sunday doom: xbox.booze.urban shred.more bad food.
Someone named Kelly wont stop texting me. I dont know her. I dont want to. You can stop now Kelly.
You can find me dismayed within the walls of the Fortress. Kind of like Mary Bellows....minus the bullet to the head.
Something has happened here.

Hype or Dread

2008-12-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

Saturday. 10am. Hangover in the HOV lane coming at me like a daughter of Hell. And we all know what those girls are capable of.
Blizzards, snow bukakke's, and I still have to buy provisions. Im late, the motorhome awaits her Skipper. Maiden voyage of the season tonight, into the arms of hell. Im sailing alone therefore I'm perishing alone. Im not laughing in the face or terror and Doom,Im just looking at it sideways..trepidatiously. I possibly just made that word up. Stay tuned as I broadcast my death over Twitter.
And no: God isnt dead. But I am next. So is Farva:

In Life and in Death: I am Ellis Mate til the end!

Feral:

2008-12-19T10:04:00.000-08:00

more and more reasons popping up for me to become an ex-pat.
Welcome to Friday, lowly knaves.

Doom is now available as a widget. With some tweaking. As you read this, Hazmat Teams in Denmark are respondning to an incident. Big props for the Doom Map, and much more here, check it out. also check Antartica: a volcano is spewing there, right now.

All hell has broken loose!

2008-12-18T11:11:00.001-08:00

yes its true. Snowstorm of the century and Seattle is in sheer terror of what this could mean. Im seeing the future through the snowglobe that I just shook:
Wild eyed white collar workers huddled around barrel fires in dingy alleyways, unsure of stepping out into the gale. Humans eating their young out of the back of their Hybrid vehicles which have been stalled on I-5 for *gasp* 4 hours....then piling into said vehicle and clustering around propane torches stolen from a pastry chef near you. Its creme brulee' for your fingers.All will die of course. Looting, slippy rioting as hipsters take to the streets in righteous indignation at God for bringing this doom to us all. I have shocking photos of the carnage, taken this morning during my treacherous trek from the Cheescake Factory. (dont ask)

More hellday here.

waking bones

2008-12-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

Cracked eyeballs, increasing waistline, less time here: its all adding up to one thing: RPG. Must.get.ahold.myself.
Thats why we have this delightful morsel. Is it just me or has night-sky time increased?
Kill more time at StereoHell, brought to you by Stacey-Marie
Theres a new screen at Battlestation Royale. Im burning up, soon there will be 4, with the HP Touch making its debut. Totally an unnecessary item. more here
Finally: Episode One of Finansense: Learn from the Master, like I did.

Did I mention ~~I have Absinthe enroute from London?~~ Im truly deconstructing? New Bot-Vomit. B/C we have all worshipped at the Temple of Reznor for many many years now.

**oh god. the vultures are circling...or the henchmen are gathering. "Fingers" is back, the party may now commence. We apparantly are in the lower lot this weekend, Stevens Pass....starting Saturday afternoon. As usual: finding me can be difficult. its the ONLY flat black motorhome in the WORLD people.

****History buff? amateur Archaeologist? you better check this out. first para: " In 1963, an inhabitant of Derinkuyu (in the region of Cappadocia, central Anatolia, Turkey), knocking down a wall of his house cave, discovered amazed that behind it was a mysterious room that he had never seen, and this led him room to another and another and another to it ... By chance he had discovered the underground city of Derinkuyu, whose first level could be excavated by the Hittites around 1400 BC"

TuesdayTetris

2008-12-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is brought to you by the letter T. Originally it seemed a natural selection since I've been gaming, but then I experienced an epiphany
Greetings and salutations Henchman: Ive gone and done it again. Last time this happened I didnt leave the fortress for days. now Im tweeting all night about hating the local blacksmith and doing my best to avoid medieval whores, saving what little gold I earned at the Smithies to buy weapons/booze. Damnit.
Google is dead. Dead I tell you: Black is the new white, now you know. Or I just like black and dont give 2 shits about "total wattage hours saved".
The weekend is for snowboarding, finally. Unless your drunk off your ass in Cali, like some (2) degenerates we know. (dog is drunk also)
Hysteria continues in Seattle as more and more Prius drivers find themselves even more befuddled than before at this marvel we call Wastelands. Frozen evil wastes. Expecting Innuits to arrive at any time for life lessons and more on finding your inner iceman...or in one case: queen. thinly veiled reference to a personal situation? you'll never know you rude inquisitive bastard.
Now, off to watch my eyelids freeze to the balls they are supposed to protect.
This dog is clearly shithoused....clearly.

You have my blessing: stab my face when I start gurgling about sliver keys and majical rings held captive by ogres and gargoyles....im a total fuckoff for this right now.

Brown bag is here, in spirit. Now its rainbow vomit. The bot is puking Fugazi. Its what I woke up with this morning.

Monday it is..

2008-12-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

good morning sinners. Hot hot pursuit of this book today. Last minute furnishings for the love of my life. New everything: lights, outdoor gadgetry...entertainment system...pictorial soon. Anchors away next friday. In the meantime everyone in Seattle is terrified of slipping on the mean "so not cool" ice. Again: PRIUS. Drive South losers. Get lost, stay there...anything.
this is the shape of things to come:

HYSTERIA IS BORN. and with it comes snow. Seattle. more here:henchbot

It Sunday. I am sleeping.

2008-12-14T03:53:00.001-08:00

its just gone 4 in the morning. You wont believe the weekend I have had. All of it spent at work. I plan on sleeping all day today. enjoy the silence. or click the pic.
Hey look, Im baking you cookies for christmas.
In fond love of current weather and new art, I give you this, nicked here

Fridays: for the feral

2008-12-12T06:22:00.000-08:00

*Nothing could say Saturday morning "what the hell" more than waking up next to an Android. Meet Aiko, she is hot and clearly has a green thumb. Especially good is the request for donations to make her more hu-man like. You figure that out on your own, hu-man reader. So long, Earth girls. And as we say goodbye to them, we say hello to Friday.

**Fascinating stuff from Jerusalem here. Stored for later reading.

***Auto-Pilot by now people. Autopilot.

****you will find my predictions for 2k9 @ FreakAngels sometime this weekend. They are vast, I assure you.

*****the trouble with those pesky vampires is that now that this is gone, your really quite screwed. Best of luck, blood-lings.

******buy or die: Shirt of the Day, seen here:

Toe-Tag City

2008-12-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

henchmen: theres so much stuff going on I dont know where to begin. As usual, Huffster has all the answers to your queries. Otherwise its nuclear umbrellas and onshore pirate hunting. Business as usual? If I know Tony L, he has been up since 2am watching c-span and by now his head surely has spun off itself and is rolling towards the bedroom door, the burning, monkeyfucked cigarette still intact. Its a great day for Doom. Other floaties include Shatners Raw Nerve, cracking the toe-tag city crew and those hooligans from Houston known as Blaggards.
All in time, all in time young Hench.

**Shatners got a raw nerve. Better be good. Shatner never tweets. bastard. I am always waiting.

***seriously. I hang out here, really. twice a week maybe. Its good here. Keep the Hood close. Or in my case....umm..Alki. damn.

****winter is gonna knife you in the back this Friday.

***** green banksy or climate man.

Wednesday W3C

2008-12-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

good morning. greetings Henchmen.
Spent the evening working on my photostream, now full of old goodness. Things are quiet, unless you count the blizzard coming our way, finally. Should be on wax in no time.
Last night I finally sat still and watched this old school videoblog which did nothing but excite me. This man is a hardcore outdoorsman and a silent genius; the Captain used to tell me about him but of course I didn't listen as much as I should have. Halfway through I noticed his bush pilot which reminded me of Cheechakos, written by Wayne Short, a bush pilot/fisherman out of Alaska who was a friend of the Captain's. I have all of his books, handed down before his death. He knew, or had a drink with just about everyone in Alaska I think, and was full of stories. On hell of a fisherman and one hell of a grandfather. This is the Captain, for old times sake. Now lift your glass and say "big business" cause that's all he ever did, was big business....no matter what. Dinner, sleep, work, fishing: It was all big business.

**even this would be big business, although....I cant imagine why. I hated the Nanny.

*** Joe the Plumber remains douchier than ever. Maybe he should date the Fran Dreschler. They can have a little girl and call her Nancy Grace.

****nobody died on the commute....but then I wanst listening to the theme song for Sesame Street either.

*****more fun with letters. or: sesame street is wac! (as they say.) Heres' the letter that brings you Wednesday; redefined.

UPDATE: theres a growing bulge in my brain....its the dreaded mental erection. Turn off your twitter stream and hide your loved ones. Im about to do something. Just dont know what yet. But its coming....I can feel it building. Brain-kakke.

****** from the place where hardcore is beautiful.

Tuesday Terror Level: L.E.D. white

2008-12-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

Tuesday has not let me down. I overslept, spilled coffee in truck, leveled a stop sign and naturally: was late for work. Hello tuesday, you filth ridden bastard. Youve done it again.

*Lets begin together: Something to do with corruption methinks. Got a rumor in the inbox this morning that the holiday is close at hand and henchmen are grooming. My annual appearance awaits.

**its been a harsh morning. My Monday is your Tuesday and Im just catching up on what everyone else at work already knows. Tuesdays blow. There is a ray of light however, and its from the biggest douchebag on the planet, who REFUSES to lay down and just die already. Your pal and mine: The Dis-honorable larry craig. And yes, I refuse to cap his name. I want to see this guy burn.

***and yes I committed my first act of censorship ever today. Its obvious. I didnt like doing it. I still dont like doing it. Sometimes though...as an admin.....well you know. That will be my second cocktail credit for the morning. the first one occurred @ an undisclosed location on my commute, which was planned out by the same guys who wrote the Bank heist scene from Heat. Maybe I should find it on Youtube.

****i have two dates tonight. One with my flickrstream and one voting here: HCWD. Tonights categories are:
"Hottest 'Girl Next Door' Hott" / Douchiest New Accessory: The "Wristdanna" / "Most Innovative New Douche Maneuver" and finally: Douchiest Facial Hair: Do I even need to say this about voting? do I? fine: YES WE CAN! go forth, and vote.

Monday #13

2008-12-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations Henchmen. How goes the battle? Talk to me. How are you, where are you? Where have you been, what have you seen? It has become Monday...all over again. Which means tomorrow is Tuesday. I hate Tuesdays.
I cannot explain what's in my head come the morning. This morning is Sol Invictus. Two cuts on this vid, but Dead Men is the tune I was after.

*Monday is brought to you by manifest destiny found here.

**Blizzards are happening where it counts, @ Stevens and @ Silver. Its about time. @ this point I'm ~~self destructing faster than hell~~ feeling like a total expat.

***stop by and visit electric spectre, something about the horrors of nature. What could be better next than voting in the 2008 Douchies? I will be. Find me in the comments section. Usual rules apply.

****Speaking of which, brown bags' been re-upped, this time with Holiday cheer. As usual: you are on your own. I shall dedicate this to "anonymous". Merry christmas, anon.

*****Mike Shinoda wants you to come over.

******desecration abounds in Paris

*******brilliant thread you should be following about Krampus

6.12.08

2008-12-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

it saturday. fAck my head hates me. and I hate it.I want this. I want it now. oh god my head.
**been reading about blood diamonds again all morning.... Im supposed to be... completely hungover. As Ino puts it: perpetually so. She is right this week. This binge must fade. And soon. Or I could just ask myself the same thing I have done so many times before in moments like this: what would Bukowski do? In the meantime we are all slug-bots with our digital trace. Welcome to today. this was last night. sunset on the phone.

***im having Gen Tsao for lunch, my brain demands that I abuse my stomach in a fair and even handed manner, and I say equality for all, unless im not in the mood. then its brain rape. 12K henchmen have been here since June. Thats gold watch country if you ask me. I can go to Somalia and take up with Pirates....and chew my first Khat ever..or I could go Zimbabwe and throw my lot in with diamong smugglers and try not to die getting to London to meet Israelis for the sell. I could always just go to work too. I guess we all know what Im gonna do. Its moments like this that I hate myself for being so predicably boring. Somebody mail me khat please.

****because every time I wake up its a new day. and a new song. this is from this mornings awakening.

code red: its friday.

2008-12-05T04:13:00.000-08:00

Greetings and Salutations Henchman. Class in now in session. Did you wake up @ 3am with Courtney Love screaming in your head while Pete the Meat Puppets hairnetted mother gleamed at you from the clouds? I doubt you did. Add Moral Orel into the mix and your brewing something bad. prepare to recieve your flogging.

*To start, lets suffer alongside Hilary "the testicle" Clinton. You pay, I laugh.

**Now that youve donated to "the testicles" doomed campaign, lets consider falling oil prices in alaska and @ home. Good news for those of us with caravans, bad news if your interested in not having WW3. If Iran needs oil @ 90/barrel to meet its budget....well you do the math.

***that awesome Jeff Soto piece above is from his Wooster interview found here.

****today is Friday. that means today is brought to you by the letter F.

*****better to die 'neath an Irish sky. Methinks the days been saved. Heres your daily dose.

******heres one for all the drag/hag queens. way to go girls.

*******speaking of "the girls", rememeber that one time posted that one thing about Hilary the testicle Clinton wanting you to pay for her bungled campaign? Lets swing the bat the other way and take a hard look at what hockey mom was doing in her final blaze of glory. Am I a misogynist? did I even spell that right? the answer to both questions is probably no. Im just tired of not spelling words correctly and of people trying to take my money. Get the hell off my money, ho! Up next I predict coke snorting, khat chewing jihadists' will be in Antarctica in... wait a minute, is that them..in the orange boat....oh god. Will somebody please photoshop this so the word Hezbollah is being shouted by militants. And then take the Testicles' face and slap it carelessly on the captain of the orange vessel. And then leave a khat stain/dribble on her chin. Dont forget the wild eyes. Its friday people. FRIDAY.
Before noon you will meet guys from Houston who get alot of play time on my ipod. ALOT.

*******i of course am highly amused. Out of Seattle no less.Bandit: Mr.White doesnt look quite like a bandit to me. Surname of White seems odd as well. I think I will buy one, so Will Chapman can laugh his way to the bank. also: will be re-naming Mr.White. His new home will be in my truck, on the dash, watching the infidels cut me off on the Viaduct. We will spend the season caroling, with his father.

********brand new brown bag. shmoov.

*********umm.. cartoon network has a kid named Flapjack and his pirate mentor. methinks me likes but me donts knows whys.

Thursday jump

2008-12-03T19:39:00.000-08:00

*im on the west coast, your not. im getting a jump on Thursday. lets start with Group Home. Dont like hip-hop? too bad I do. Heres a killer jam that kept me up all day.

**todays letter is brought to you by me, who happens to be angry with my vacation status. Anchorage here i come. or: that'll teach you.

***today is for listening. Been with Black Flag and the Queers most the morning, and Pete the meat puppet as well. Moving back to the ghetto now with Pete Rock on deck. Wheres my snow?

Wednesday

2008-12-03T09:07:00.001-08:00

Im irritable today. Deeply so.

*I start my morning now. with an extremely attractive french girl that I will never meet. Share my joy, what little there can be on a morning such as this.

**Todays letter W is brought to you by Asian whores.

***heres another image from my cell phone.

****my office sits across from a remote set of washrooms. If you have IBS, I know about it. It doesnt help my day go by any faster. Good morning Vietnam.

*****a collective light bulb is going off across the globe. I see it, you can too. Reminds how there is "no cure" for cancer.

******ants will fuck you up, in case you didnt learn last week. Your lesson begins now: Gangland style ants then theres this heartwarming tale of global takeover starting in a city park/sidewalk crack/inside your childs swingset. Utter infestation continues with the urban ant
I had ants in my apt one time. Guess what I did? Have they ever returned? you already know they didnt. Im Chemical Ali. This Holiday season (unusually warmer than most) ive switched from Clorox to Lysol soap scum remover. Bugs do not fuck with me anymore.

*******new brown bag, go have a listen. Its throwback.

Tuesday #20

2008-12-02T07:02:00.000-08:00

*Hey look, Ive got another great way to wake you up. OR: I'll have a double DoomBurger, hold the mayo. Good morning, were all fucked.

**lets all move to Switzerland and become junkies, contract AIDS and then move to Jakarta to get micro-chipped. While you do that, im looking for pictures of puppies or something, cheesburgers....chocolate pie...ANYTHING that heralds good news. What sort of Tuesday is this anyways.

***oh god. here we go again down this long otter riddled path. Beginning to rethink everything Ive ever known about Tuesday. You might recall this defining moment last month, where I almost tattoed "otter for life" on my arm. Obesity is a calling in my genetic string. Im about ready to just embrace it, no more fighting. Otters........good god man.

****we are all soaking in a cast iron pot, poking stupidly at carrots and onions floating around us in increasing heat. This beast stirs the foul broth and tosses seasonings on your open wounds. Watch the whole thing, its fascinating. The end is esp. interesting.

*****fresh load in the brown bag to clear the mind. enjoy.

******new folder in my flickr stream, check out cell phone images here, you filthy pirate. Alot of em look like this one:

*******LETS EVERYBODY GET THE HELL OUTDOORS FOR A MINUTE.great pictorial for clearing the mind.

Monday (#6)

2008-12-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

*Greetings and salutations henchmen. In case your confused as to what exactly the 6th M is..., be confused no longer. Holiday is over, which is why im thankful this year.

**i recognize what day of the week it is, I know your still hungover. It might not seem like it, but somehow...some way...even after what Im about to make you read, I love you, really I do. Your the child who receives a beating, and then is hugged. Its ok, Twat-Bot is on the East Coast, far from us. Surely, we are safe.

***speaking of safe: are you close to losing your job to the recession? Buy your tickets now, theres good work in Iraq. It pays well I hear.

****this is an astonishing sunrise caught over Greenland.

*****Attention Idaho henchmen, this ones for you; Government Way: here I come. "I like yard sales," he said. "All true survivalists like yard sales."

Shlumday

2008-11-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

*Another PIRATE PAYDAY, this time with photos. Said pirates are finalizing escape routes, even as you read this.

**business as usual in the Islands. Way to go, douchal
politico's.

***in other news: its Sunday. yarg.

****this one from eletricspectre: astonishing ant-concrete genocide leads to startling alien empire.

*****dont forget: the imminent danger of a hungry rodent.

******check here for your Boreal forecast.

Saturday Seattle (#4)

2008-11-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

After spending 30 minutes here, my brain is fried. Its saturday. nobody is having any fun. Up next: swabbing the deck @ my photobucket hovel. Go forth and pillage.

**Dont tell me you still havent figured this out yet. Its daily.

***Poke around in @lexmachine's killer full-time motorhome

**** theres a fleet of forest bots watching you hike.

*****storing this here for further review/full reading later.

****** more storage for later tonight: death by sqids.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T09:42:00.000-08:00

Didnt I just tweet something like this? Good God, people. Your'e all FOOLS!Told you so.
This is what I HATE about being an American. Mass consumerism @ its finest/worst. These are the assholes that will be first in line to get the chip implanted in their heads. These are the assholes that are RATFUCKING our country.

Thursday The

2008-11-27T18:24:00.000-08:00

Do you really want to hear about my Thanksgiving? No you dont, your still reeling from your own. The good news is we all survived. I had no internet or phone for 24 hours. You did though, didnt you.
Tonight is nothing but bad tv, capn crunch and every bit of interwebs that I can get.

*Ive heard this word a thousand times today: Ive hated this word for some time now. There are, some definitions here I happily acccept. #3 for example. or grudgingly anything after #7.

Wednesday Whiskerbiscuit

2008-11-26T06:38:00.000-08:00

Is my head throbbing? no. Should it be? yes. Postponed Doom? Thats whats making me nervous. Kudos and emoticons to @Stephenjones for this one. You guys almost got me. Almost.
Trepidation about South turns out to be unfounded....leaving Seattle is ok after all. Note to self: dont be such a townie. Now go ask yourself: what is whiskerbisuit.

**Quote of the day just came in, courtesy the hottest techie in the land, regarding the sudden surge of family interest in my life:

"did you repent somewhere and i missed it??"

I am keenly aware that we are in full on Holiday mode. I am keenly aware that I dont care for Holiday mode. Now: so are you. Also have freight train in my head. Or the scene where Tom Hanks has lost Wilson, and wakes up next to an ocean freighter. Thats even better. I can be either Wilson or a waking Tom Hanks.

Tuesday Trog

2008-11-25T11:44:00.000-08:00

last tuesday was evil. todays tuesday is just slightly angst-ridden. I finally know why: Ive had the past two Mondays off, which means Tuesdays have really been Mondays, and we all know how much I like Mondays.This little ditty is hot off the press, and sounds alot like a nursery rhyme. Its alot like a labotomy, sort of.
In the words of the One who shall not be named: "All I wanna do is smoke dope and rap". You know who you are....you know I got love.
I will assault you all this evening, from the comfort of my cave. Stay tuned.

**Apparantly pirates are feral addicts. Who wouldve guessed.

*** your new best friends: keep yourself busy watching psychotic crabs until I get back chilluns.

****Watching cows take dumps in fields was a childhood favorite in the backseat of my fathers Mercury. The game was to spot a cow with tail hoisted just before spackling the ground with fudge, and calling it with a hearty poke to the ribs. I always defeated my brother. Always. It remains obvious my keen eye for for shit hasnt gone away, as evidenced by this article of Russian theorum. Igor seems to have Mother Russia's tail hoisted above Sarah Palin.

*****surely this is a sign from the Heavens, that your all DOOMED to endure what could be mental devastation: weeks of letter matching daily postings, (you may recall sesame street last week?) Run now, hide your children and wives....Im looking for Wednesday W already. And no: it wont be Thursday Thanks, in case your wondering. While searching, I might go here for a burger. And cocktail(4).

Ninja Gyre

2008-11-24T09:19:00.001-08:00

* Good morning Henchman, now that the roof of my mouth has been sliced to ribbons at the hand of this scurvey bastard, lets admire this genious: never has a review of a Moustache excited me so. Welcome to Moustache Monday, which Ive been attendning for some time now, as should you.
Bucking a recent trend, no one has been shot/killed/stabbed/raped in the night. kudos and emoticons to you, Seattle for keeping a cool head for over 12 hours.
Last nights 24 premier was boring. The kid in the striped shirt that kept screwing everything up irritates me even still. Thanks to all who came, we had fun.

** AZ is from the place where the hardcore is beautiful. Check out the brown bag.

***you daily jihad is diffent today. It is LIVE. it is represented by my journey into the worst form of humanity (no im not talking about the gloryhole maze some of you recieved word of yesterday via phone): Armed with BOTH ipods, lower than usual beanie and most comfortable hoodie, I am headed into the abyss of mass consumerism: the mall. Is there dread? no. Concern? yes. I hate the mall. I will spackle the quest with occasional tip of the flask to maintain an even keel. All hail the twitter gods: Im off to live, breathe, battle the masses: a real time daily jihad.
As far as the "gloryhole maze": Umm...its real, we found it one night in an ad for the Stranger, gave it to our bartender who then took it to the kitchen which then literally stopped production for 5 minutes in shock/laughter/awe/disbelief. Dare I find the link? and post it here? eh...watch my tweet stream and then be on your own. Mind you: the maze is for men only. Surely the apocalypse is close, unless any one of the four horsemen....gets lost in the maze.

****And we wonder as a whole why there is pestilince in the land. 5 minutes into maze research and Im sullied for the morning. I am done, no more questions ever again, for sure. next time, I will wisely nod my head in infinite understanding. And then watch this, which is sure to clear my brain. stupid squirrels.

*****NASA's lost toolbag, hurtling towards a backyard/airplane cockpit near you.

******The Irish dont need to see the Squirrel Zapper above. They appear to love thier squirrels.

Sunday Scrote

2008-11-23T08:26:00.000-08:00

*This is all you get today, everything else is Twittered.
heres your daily jihad.

**Dont forget about this little gem, its not like we havent waited over a year for it. Of course I will be out of town and miss it.

***this isnt far off:

****you like porn, I like technology; up next at Battlestation:this.

Saturday Skullduggery:

2008-11-22T08:55:00.001-08:00

(cant help myself)

*Good morning Henchmen. How was your night?
Its Saturday: lets begin here.

**lets call this thread: reverse Jihad.

***kudos and emoticons to Somali Hotts, for today is pirate payday. (Up next: jihad.)

Friday Feral

2008-11-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

Not exactly how I planned on raising my children, much less being the start of my day. Alarming government report predicts environmental catastrophe, threat of nuclear war and the decline of America as the dominant global power by 2025.
In commemoration of this report, i reloaded the brown bag with something appropriately late.

*Last night was a relatively quiet event, spent in Jules Maes @ Georgetown, seems like Im trending towards Georgetown again, in a big way. On to friday. Kudos and emoticons to Ms.Franz, out of Missoula who called the day before it even began!

**I cant imagine a more appropriate link for friday feral.this shit is real-time, and you thought Somalia was the only country for piracy. Frankly: Im shocked.

*** today is the day this thing comes to life. I am tempted like never before! Try not to stare at the disgusting display of cuticles on the touchpad shot.

****good mother! I just remembered to check this; and its looking good!

*****pirates as businessmen or: Welcome to growth enterprise in the anarchic societies of the 21st century you pick your own title. while you do that, Im moving to Puntland.

******seriously, this is your chance to be a seafaring bastard: I really want to move now, and be a pirate.

******* why wont this stop? is tomorrow really going to be: "saturday skullduggery". Please...make this stop.

********Little Calvin is only 2 years old, yet he takes Viagra....every day. Puberty with your creamed carrots, Calvin?

********* my dreams are shattered. Heres your daily jihad.

**********before I head off to see the Greeks, I leave you with this sidenote: Origin of names. Baghdad is "gods gift" Great Britain means "land of the tattooed"..etc etc etc....for the rest of the night, find me here

Thursday Thuggish:

2008-11-20T06:32:00.000-08:00

I know what your thinking. I agree. Sesame street really does suck but I cant stop the post title thing from happening. Its hell, hell I tell you. Thank goodness friday is close.....and not for obvious reasons.
Ok lets talk about Shariah Law and how it relates to Jihad:
In the future, Americans who have long since been bailed out financially by Arab States, will of course be forced to endure Shariah banking (why am i capitalising the word shariah?) which as you know could get ugly if your into having bacon with your eggs after a long and hearty night of boozing it up and buying hookers. Now: in the olden days a simple beheading would suffice for such vulgarious trespasses.....but in the future of things, I see us getting not our heads lobbed off; instead: our thumbs.
No more texting the internet or what few freinds we have in real time.....and most certainly a revamping of the typing system, as we know it. Driving with your thumbs like I do? forget it. Thumbs up? are you kidding, it will be all about the dreaded emoticon. We might possibly......be f'ed in the A, as a scholarly associate of mine so delicately puts it.
Shariah people, shariah. Its coming to a prayer rug near you.
Theres your daily jihad.

now to the news:
didn't I just say f'ed in the A?
And why am I thinking about Shariah and opposable thumbs so early, or really...anytime.
sigh.

**my brain has been lubed with mutton and vodka. Everything is going to be just fine, even though I just sort of gazed off while looking at the words sharia law and it turned into looking like sarah palin. really.

***prepare to get knifed/gunned down and or choked out. I will be sipping vodka watching the best buy webcam, chuckling with delight. At sunrise. No you cannot borrow my tent! I would wear armour, were I you. Heres what you need to tell me: how many Prius Hybrids did you see from your sleeping bag on YOUR black friday sidewalk. Im guessing none, and if I am wrong, those will be the shoppers who get mauled/trampled first. Its surival of the fittest, no room for pacifism.

****Hitler, it turns out, was not a pacifist, he also did not wear armour. Reminds of a ditty: "Balls! said the Queen, for if I had two then I would be King!". Hitler must have been a Queen.

*****reloaded the barf bag, this one is sleepy...but from a good freind so why not? (say hi to Ino here)

******well this speeds things up very nicely!so long, productivity for the rest of the week.

******* spend 10 minutes here at least: excellence from Hi-Fructose I really like just the stuff from Gail Potocki, beyond her you're on your own.

********Hustla meets red diggers. This is how you find me this winter....besides the black motorhome.

Wednesday Weary

2008-11-19T11:20:00.000-08:00

Man Ive got some stupid post titles this week. Its Sesame Street all over again around here.
Ok Rick is gone. In retrospective I wish I wouldve done a "your daily richard" bit but its too late now. Thanks for the support, I was really suprised at the attention this received and while I typically compile a "final report" for all things I deem interesting, I dont know I will for this one. The trip was a success personally, and the reality of seeing my father for essentially the first time as an adult....was a good one, and unexpected.
I am exhausted mentally. Wanna stare at lights for hours and not think about anything.
Looks like Ive come up with a great plan for tonight.
Thanks everybody for the texts and tweets all week, theyve been good.

Now: on to regular Ninja Broadcasting.

Tuesday Terrors:

2008-11-17T21:46:00.000-08:00

I am insect. Ravenous plant categorized as "other".

*Ive decided to get a jump start on Tuesday with this little punk who I can only wish was mine. Mommy clearly forgot to give somone thier meds.

** Evil Little Tuesday just tried to kill me. Evil Little Tuesday has turned into a wicked little redhead all the sudden. B/c of this, we start our day....or whats left of it, here. (why wasn't I the son of a president?) Also curious: has anybody named my new niece yet? Personal submissions begin now.

***Family is great, so they say....but little do I know of this topic. I suspect Im about to learn alot more than I bargained for. In the meantime I strongly suggest that Ninja is a little too sticky/sweet with all this family photo blowout. I promise Im back on track starting immediately. You can all open your eyes now.
Rick however, is about to recieve the Ninja Braintrust Endorsement. Kudos and Emoticons to you, Richard. Its not everyday we hand out a coveted N.B.E.

**** all this talk of puberty...(specifically mine) has me listening to the best punk of all time: The Queers. Look for fresh puke. In the meantime I am revisiting EVERY ALBUM theyve ever done, which you can get if you kick my ass and steal my ipod.
Dont do that.

*****and when was the last time you were here, feral readers?

****** more genious from NatGeo. biblical archaeology tickles my fancy.

Monday madness:

2008-11-17T21:10:00.000-08:00

family overload! collectors series here

edited for the Braintrusts' comfort. Click the little red part up there for the whole thing. Its too sugary for a Tuesday.

kidnapped the camera:

2008-11-16T21:36:00.001-08:00

this is what happens when my niece becomes my photograper.
The complete set here

Sunday leftovers:

2008-11-16T12:38:00.000-08:00

This weeks kitchen sink.
Guess what! Im hungover.
Whats funny today so far are the morons out bitching about the level of foghorns on the Sound. Youve gotta be a complete loser to be annoyed by them....it is...foggy after all today, they do.....save lives....after all. And above all else: they are nautical and awesome! I love waking up to foghorn melee, hungover or otherwise.
(reloaded the barf bag)

Saturday Sufferances

2008-11-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

Im @ work. Nuff said.
Richard arrives tomorrow, the house is strewn about with snowboards, snow shovels, books, computer gear, rattlecans, razor blades and stenciling glass.
Must.go.prep.
The good news is that Ill Master stencil is ready to meet...the streets.
Other good news is that my faith in the Asian owned burger joint down the street from the millionaires club is fully renewed. Had a kingburger with onion rings for breakfast. Way to go, Chung Ching.
THE 10K henchman came like a thief in the night, and then turned on the lights and said hello. Kudos and emoticons to Tracy, who wins a glass of the cheapest Cabernet I can find, only redeemable at the Greeks joint btw. Her blog is worthwhile and for a good cause.
Im off now to go daydream of eating Chung Chings kingburger off Molly Crabapples' bathroom floor, for on a desolate day such as this, where the birds sing in the sun, where all my gay friends dance under the rainbow; I languish behind closed doors...what more could I really need?

Friday Madness

2008-11-14T07:02:00.000-08:00

Commencing the not quite end of work week with a late start, therefore need motivating. Molly Crabapple fits the bill. Why cant I be a jewish artist in Chicago? or wherever? Why do i have to be a small time....stencilist from Seattle. Who hasnt made a stencil in some time. I should start carving my new ill master series tonight. It will help my mind not think about Richard who will be here Monday.
I am at a loss for this. Gentle reader who does not know: Richard is my father, with whome no positive/hardly any at all otherwise communications hasnt been had with, going on 14 years now. IM excited to see him, but I dont know how to see him. I have no idea what it means to be a "son", or have a "father". I will brood on this for two days....until I come up with a plan. In the meantime I will be stenciling furiously and paying attention to Ms.Molly.
Friday chatter begins now.

*Check out a reloaded barf bag. If you dont know D.I.J. your forgiven. Fix malfunction now. Braintrust predicts 10k henchman within 14 hours.

**Richard will be here Sunday night. Sent a very pleasant email outlining his travel plans. My life is defined by not having a father, and suddenly theres one in the shadows....soon to be tangible, if even for a moment. This could be a massive upheaval.

***this is a pleasant sign of the times: methinks me likes!

****this is annoying madness but it is...Ellismate regardless. (red dragon!!)

*****your about to take a tweet-load to the face! If you tweet, you better check this out. Find more like it and share with your fellow henchman in the comment box.

******tweetkakke continues here Seattle observant.

what time is it?

2008-11-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

its somewhere on thursday.
Hi world im alive, i think im awake, cant tell.
Dont know where to start today, other than: im alive.
Birthday kudos and emoticons to Toad, who will never admit to reading this. I loaded the barf bag with Billy Talent just for her.
Ahh what the hell, heres one from the archives. Happy 28th Toad:

"Our Dorky Dad" or: Wednesday Chatter

2008-11-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

*after a smashing/migrain-al (is that a word?) day like yesterday, this is easy on the soul.
Enjoy the first set from Obamas closet
Wednesday Chatter.

**oh great. Time to spawn?

***ahh of course! need a model for your next event? This ones hot and carries the Ninja Braintrust seal of approval. Worship her above.

****damnit! I might just be more like an apathetic Seattle-ite then I thought: Heres what these chucklefucks had to say about N.M.:
"We guess that ninja-motorhome is written by a man (52%), however it's quite gender neutral."
Its looking more and more like a move to the mountains is in order.

***** wasnt I just talking about Jim Jones? This is the most flippant statement yet: "Tim Carter, a Jones aide, stayed in the camp almost to the end and saw his wife and his 1-year-old son die before he was sent away on an errand."
What exactly....kind of errand was THAT?
more here

****** speedily scuttling towards 10k henchman.

******* celly is getting more chatter than an Al Quaeda hotline so lets clear it up: the pic above is my cousin. Yes, she is hot. Thats a good observation.
Now get up there and get on her site. I would pay her to show up at your party, were I you.

******** hahahaha! in true douchal fashion Jason Ellis just called himself White Obama, thanks to the XM/SIRIUS merger. (red dragon)

******** I hate Brandon Novak and here he is wearing a shirt that I just bought. DAMNIT! Click the pic for more. Im off to burn the shirt.

Rogue status

2008-11-11T12:12:00.000-08:00

My brains gone rogue. Phot-Bot has driven yet another nail in the proverbial coffin and I feel a massive sense of impending doom, out of nowhere. When I was 12 years old I watched missile traces rain hell into Bagdhad; opertation desert storm I think it was called. This is the inside of my mind today...
Most likely the only post of the day, in my weakened drive to reach the ten thousandth henchman.
dont.stare.@.the.lights
no kudos. no emoticons. no tweeting. no lights. no music.

Mondays are for tweeting:

2008-11-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

On deck today is upward mobility. Getting the pink carcass out of the back of the truck, ordering parts for Big Nig and eating at Terminal with the notorious Itchy B.
Also Tickets to Sisters Of Mercy for Dover!
Tweet Sniffer.

Organic high

2008-11-09T17:31:00.000-08:00

you too, can be a total moron!

Sunday McDouchery

2008-11-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

Often..(twice annually) I find myself mired in a deep mental muck, blamed squarely on lack of outdoor activities (snowboaring/backpacking). Welcome to my Autumn. Last night I ate jelly bellys right before bed, in fact I may have not even been finished chewing when I lay my head down...and of course followed the night terrors. Didnt sleep worth a damn, dreamt of rehab, jailtime and Jim Jones types. For breakfast I had a vodka and burnt cheeseburger surrounded by apathetic Seattle-ites, eating their vegan burgers with no cheese, and sort of cheering on the Seahawks as we lost another round. Later at Home Depot I listened in as contructo-types laughed at me for having the pink carcass in back of my trucK which I hurt my back when loading up from Pops house today, since he is moving to Fresno on Tues. Then I went to Ballard to see my cousin who of course needed a coffee. Ten minutes later at Starbucks as I tried to decipher their dialect (venti/short skinny/gayfag/tall is actually short/breadcake is actually a cookie etc etc etc...) and felt like an absolute fuckoff for not knowing. Then I remembered I didnt give a shit. That was a relief, I went home to switch out the electrical outlet that Josh ratfucked months ago, got halfway into the project and then snatched out of the whole thing for fear of death. Sticking screwdrivers into exposed sockets is not my idea of a good time. Upon surrender of thsi project I logged into the playground of my choice and foung this: DOOMED TOGETHER.
Today I feel like leaving this pit of self oblivion, and moving to the country.

Ahhh.....god no.....looking up at the telly i see Bear Grylls squeezing "nutritional juices" into his mouth out of a pile of elephant shit for "survival". Allegedly he has not found water in 24 hours, hence the shit harvest.
My day just gets better and better.

Update: After 30 minutes making the rounds online, with MF Doom and Skullcandy (open and breathe in the barf bag to examine)Im feeling the bubonic float away. Back into Ballard to a reformed opium den for H.H. with Itchy, Den-Mother and JoJo.
Promise tomorrow I start 365. With Snowho. Below is the first phot I took for the series, never distributed.
Pink carcass lives above.

Saturday Wires:

2008-11-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

Lazy morning means nothing more than watching the rain, and flipping between this and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
Almost a perfect morning.

First story of the day: fascinating stuff.

Friday Chatter begins now:

2008-11-07T08:16:00.000-08:00

(way back when)

Good morning world. Lots of things to mull over from last night including why I will never go to Skylark again, and whether or not a shotgun run to Fresno is in the works this weekend.
In the meantime I woke up to an old tune in my head, out of nowhere. Ive decided this was a bad omen. You tell me, or simply accept the facts: as I suffer, so shall you. The song is on auto pilot and will load for you upon your arrival.

While your doing that, Im doing this.

Now I feel guilty and promise to reload the barf bag asap, this time with Evil Nine or something cleansing. Stay tuned.

Ive got a great idea! Lets all head to Northern Mexico for a drug run!

SNOW-HO, who must be bored out of her mind has agreed to collaberate with Ninja for a 365 project. Ive always wanted to do this and really, why let a flickr account sit lonely?
365 starts tonight, and ends next year. Every day you will see my ugly mug in various states of intoxication, glee, rage, sobriety, and education.
(watch me change my mind by nightfall)

Delightfully rude

2008-11-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

Last night was a banner event. Incredibly rude and appropriately offensive, things everywhere have gone quite politico. Put a real estate mogul, an entertainment guru, a hip hop recording artist, and and orchard owner together, feed them all copius amonts of liquor, then add a sizeably inebriated helping of myself. Combine in blender and mix on high until thoroughly chopped. Serve hot or chilled.

Take immediate cover.

Good morning world, theres more headlines than I know what to do with today; mornings like this are my favourite.

lets begin here.

* re-upped the barf bag. this is getting daily. Stay tuned accordingly.

**this cam is getting important fast!Vapor gets its first erection. Puberty wont be nearly as awkward for it as it was/is for me.

***didnt I just get done saying how I wanted to be a Dominican from the Bronx? Ive changed my mind

****Sure she is great but Snowho will never convince me to use emoticons. Ive been tempted by the siren call of the emoticon....but I always prevail.

Fast mover:

2008-11-05T07:30:00.001-08:00

*Obama offers Chief of Staff post to Rahm Emanuel (older interview offers excellent view of the man.)

**Dear Obama: from the middle east

***Hey Sarah, you just might be ratfucked

****then there is this, somehow related I'm sure

*****Evidence of an intelligent decision, this is one of the defining reasons I voted Obama. I have been following ADN.COM for many years, simply out of fascination for what I have always regarded as the last great state.....consequently I have followed Palin as well. She always has been and will always be an absolute liability to any politics she involves herslef in, demostrated in this not so startling expose'.
Pat yourself on the back before, during and after reading this piece

Im reminded here of Ellis the Internet Jesus, who pointed out the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, and linked that to Palins' wishful return to a bid for the White House in the same year. Its all coming together now.

******Speculation on cabinet appointments.

9000 henchmen since June.

2008-11-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

new:

2008-11-03T23:16:00.000-08:00

more goods here

Sunday Closings:

2008-11-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

Its been Joy Division, NIN and Nick Cave all weekend.
I even slept in AND cleaned the place up in between drinks.
Kudos and Emoticons to me.

(i stuffed your stocking, buried it behind ninja logo at bottom of page. Go click)

Sunday confessional:

2008-11-02T11:11:00.000-08:00

I hate spiders. More than anything on the planet.
I dont have spiders like everyone else does in my building because I have been waging a war of terror and genocide on the bastards for 5 years. I spray perimeter guard around every inch of my space, inside and out, and every spider I have ever killed in here, I have left the body in its place of death for other spiders to see and recognize. I have created an unusually intense culture of fear in the spider kingdom. If I can, I never crush a spider, instead I a apply a generous spraying of Clorox Household cleaner on it as it scuttles away from me. Its fries and crinkles and melts, then sort of sticks to the wall as a message to others in its tribe: Dont come here. You will die, your children will die and your seed shall be erased.
I have built my house on the bones of spiders.

All this because someone asked me last night about a particularly large brown stain on the cieling, and I am typically a very clean person. It was of course, the site of a slaying, left uncleaned as a message to its family.
I once stayed up til 5am to catch a spider that I spotted out of the corner of my eye and wasnt even sure was there til an hour into the hunt. He was big, then he was dead. He got Simple Green, which from a chemical death standpoint is like....easy street. I think he just sort of fell asleep and didnt wake up.
If your a damn spider, stay out of my way.

Behold! Goth Christmas

2008-10-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

right now is the only time I will be listening to Red Water all day, find it here.
Today finds me unusually uninterested. The only thing that will get me out of the cave tonight will be an invitation to Mercury, and that most likely will not be happening....which is fine. I plan on drawing the shades and hiding from the ghouls. Abnormal? yes. Not feeling competetive at all, and I knew it would be this way when I went to sleep last night. I feel like Im an asshole today, I feel all out of sorts, antisocial.
I have strange new decisions to contemplate....and schemes to hatch. Im depressed today that people I know are losing thier jobs, that people I know are perfectly fine berating themselves for no reason other than for miserably misplaced attentions. People I know are drunken fools who cant pull their own asses off a barstool long enough to collect their lives. People I know are still coming up to me and saying wheres Erica. Thats nice living with ghosts.
People I dont know anymore want to know me again.
Ahhh the scourge of people.
Transhumanism is a big word.
Transhumanism is a scourge forthcoming.
You may not know this but every Friday and sometimes more, I hide a little nugget of goodness in the little brown barf bag. Today is friday. Reckless Friday.
Also Samhain.
Im not nearly as Goth as you.
Good day to you all.
*off air*

this brilliance from the Snow-ho camp

2008-10-30T13:07:00.000-07:00

Brainwaves

2008-10-30T09:04:00.001-07:00

Good day world, or if your Ellis then you would say: "good day human scum".
Nothing tickles my fancy quite like when I get that text first thing in the morning, I cant possibly figure out why either. Today that is what we recieved.
Pops if your checking this out: you blew it last night with whats her face but no big deal....theres more fish in the sea. Keep the faith! Be more like me and ill master: dont worry about these things, think of kung-fu, motorhomes and snowboards. (and ice...vodka + the occasional burger)
For the rest of you, I dont wanna relive the night but it was fantastical and filling all at once. Its the reason Twitter is here, so to find details then follow the stream and no, there are no pics.
If you arent Tweeting yet I simply look at you with curiosity and awe. You are a subhuman. In a cave. drawing stick figures on your sooty walls while trying to figure out what an erection is for.
Join twitter.
Now.
My head is throbbing....I beleive it's trying to tell me something...I will assume then that it wants me to say g'day on its behalf.
G'day mates.
Kudos and emoticons to the closer, who is battling succesfully, his wanton urge to live out of the pub. He has been at my flat for 2 days straight now, drinking Miller lite and watching network televison. He hates the interewbs.

workstations cooler than mine:

2008-10-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

courtesy the infamous Snow-ho!

smash the link!Eight Ball/ill Master

2008-10-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

1. Queenie

2. ill masters' got mad moves

Disaster strikes!

2008-10-28T14:51:00.001-07:00

two afternoons in a row now I've gotten bad news, or been otherwise deflated. Maybe tonight I will go home and again be security detail/henchman for the suicide pamphlet handout, like last night..

this is my brain right now.

The people I love:

2008-10-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

From Doobers with love:

2008-10-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

this is how I wake up?

2008-10-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

Deeply curious to know the historical order of his former afflictions. Was he a wizard before he got HIV or was he just a tranny. What about a tranny Wizard...........in prison?

How did his wife lose her uterus?

Must.know.more.

Monday was going so well too:

2008-10-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

this is the source of my afternoon anger: (ive only been emailing them for a month and a half, ready to drop 1500 on the stupid season pass)

"Hi Dan,

I double checked the RV wait list and as it turns out we no longer have availability for the upcoming season. You will still be able to park in the RV lot between Monday at noon until Friday at Noon on a first come, first serve basis for the $30.00 per night rate. For additional information on RV parking please check out the website http://www.stevenspass.com/Stevens/the-mountain/rv-parking.aspx
If you have any additional questions or concerns please feel more than free to contact me directly"

UPDATE:

im none to pleased about this. Looks like that greasespackled bag of burgers is gonna get dealt with....its as close to a good time as Im gonna get. Im going to eat my burgery, meaty, juicy way out of this rage. Stevens Pass Im angry with you today. Whilst eating, I will be jamming out to Sirius 24. GRUNGE.

Flickr pays off BIG

2008-10-27T13:10:00.001-07:00

This shit is THROWBACK!

oh to be young and punk.

images of the day:

2008-10-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

finally on Flickr and its fairly narccisistic so far:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dbaggins

Im Hostage

2008-10-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

In my head like leprosy.....this pic is one of the best. I wanna hear it though whats happening on the right side?

nicked from wooster.

Sunday strange (yes thats a bullwhip lesson)

2008-10-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

Slims Last Chance Saloon skullduggery:

2008-10-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

Last night was great, im getting into these rockabilly kids, its turning out to be alot of fun. Next up will be bolo ties and western suits.
Last night was good stuff, heres the pictorial....my camera blows, Ive decided to get an actual camera instead of the pocket digital. Im tired of the shoddy night shots.
Thanks to Casey coming out last night with the Calvary...appreciate the favor buddy.

Saturday night shaping up:

2008-10-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

well...what can i say...good thing I have wireless on my phone?
the greasers got me again....they had me last Friday night if you recall....got home at 5 in the morning then was out the door a few hours later for the fangs of the tamarack party....
Tonight I am piling into some old truck and headed to Georgetown at speeds well above legal until we arrive at "Slims Last Chance Saloon". Once there I will be surrounded again, by the whitest chics I know. Ive been strugglibg lately with the fact that I dont seem to be into white girls....Erica surely has spoiled me for my own race. Isnt that something. Not into white girls. Who would have ever guessed.
I am expecting full on 5 minute tire sessions again tonight, where everyone peels out in place or whatever its called....lots of rockabilly girls with big hair and greased back douchebags in white tees with doxes of cigarettes rolled in the sleeve.
I am armed this time with my camera.
Expect to see the action soon, in the meantime I am headed over to WhiteCahpel for Warren Ellis' open mic night. I am Henchbot if your interested in logging in and saying hello.
Heres the links for the evenings events:
the whitest girls you will ever meet
whitechapel

stupid html

2008-10-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

its an absolutely gorgeous day out. Ive been all over the place getting this and that.....securing my living room conversion into battle station royale.

I think all I need now is wireless keyboard, but what the hell do I have a laptop for then? functionality? yeah that thing. me thinks SNOW-HO is right.

end of the line

2008-10-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

John McCain is finished...racebaiting is bad for business, and how thanks to Ashley Todd his ship just set sail.
Stephen Hawking is stepping down from his post at Cambridge University, per Universtiy rule as he tunrs 67 Jan 8.
The economy is ratfucked........lets hope the soon anointed President Obama can do something.
Ive got a headache, I need a ciggy.

I miss my country.

rattlecans, lithium and fried chicken: its friday!

2008-10-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

adding size for validation: finally did it!

2008-10-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

well arent I clever? (not really, this idea was scrawled on Neanderthal caves in soot and blood gazillions of years back) Late night telly got me thinking about adding size....girth; for my general well being. Its been bothering me alot lately, everything seems so small. so quiet. so miniscule. I want size, I want a visual de force...I want girls to come over and say O.MY.GOD. when they see what Ive got. So I added inches: 42 to be exact, and now my laptop is projected in so much crisper sharper detail, and it looks alot cooler up on the flatscreen as well. I wired up all the sound and everything. Quite proud of myself, blogging in true geek form now and I have to say: its about time. Turns out they are right after all.....size matters.

election is 11 days out:

2008-10-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

In a foggy rush to outrun this hangover... collect a few credits someone owes me (your doomed Sparrow) and find Absinthe all at the same time. Looking for Stencil projects again also.

Things are looking good as I prep my apt for further digitalisations. In the meantime: remove your caps and mourn the economy.

election is 12 days out.

2008-10-22T13:44:00.000-07:00

Little Yellow Book

2008-10-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

go to Captains Nautical Supply on Western and get this special little book....its from the "rite in the rain" series and designed for all pirates and some construction types...who may need a sudden cipher in the rain. Go to Captains Nautical Supply anyways...its a good place.

Every trip report Ive ever done is in these books...I wouldnt do a trip without one.

the most holy of numbers is close:

2008-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

who will be viewer 7777? Ninja braintrust analyst's suggests said visitor will be here within 15 minutes; observe and leave thoughts. Holy thoughts.

good morning from warren:

2008-10-22T06:20:00.000-07:00

Ive got my phone set to alert me any time certain people do certain things on the interwebs......Warren Ellis on one of these people and twitter is one of these things so this morning at 4:45 or 5:00 I was delighted to recieve his wake up call to the world, it went a little something like this: "warrenellis good morning hu-man scum about 1 hour ago from web ".
Imagine lying in bed....half in and out of sleep...the device lights up....a tune emits...your not really there...but Warren is...and thats his offering. What better way to start your day.
Off I go into the rush!